Famous Singers Can Choose Teh Right, Too!

When I was a young boy, my father took me into the city to see a marching band. He said "son, when you grow up, will you be the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned?" I felt really conflicted, because on one hand, I should obey my father, but on the other hand, Jesus is the Savior, and I can't take His place. After much thought and prayer, I realized that I'm just a man, I'm not a hero, but I'll carry on. I felt good inside. --Gerard, age 40, California

I just found out that my girlfriend is sleeping with another dude. Now they're going to bed and my stomach is sick and it's all in my head, but she's touching his chest now, he takes off her dress now, let me go. And I just can't look, it's killing me! I know I'm doing the right thing by not looking at naked ladies. --Brandon, age 36, Las Vegas

Du... du hast... du hast mich... und ich fühlte mich innerlich gut! (Obwohl Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein. Und ich bin Atheist.) --Till, age 55, Germany

Teh Ten Commandments Illustrated

#1: Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

Emilee, age 8, Utah

#2: Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.

Johnny, age 3, Louisiana

#3: Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

Greg, age 8, Ohio

 

#4: Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.

Lucy, age 4, Pennsylvania

 

#5: Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

Anne, age 6, Texas

#6: Thou shalt not kill.

Joshua, age 5, Georgia

#7: Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Unfortunately, no one would send us an illustration for this that could be published in a children's magazine, so you'll just have to use your imagination.

#8: Thou shalt not steal.

Charlie, age 4, Missouri

#9: Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.

Donny, age 4, Oregon

#10: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's.

Jennipher, age 9, New Jersey

Choosing teh Right

A boy in my class broke my teacher's leg and almost killed two students in my class. So I invited him over, assuming he needed a friend. He beheaded me. I'm dead now, but I felt great inside! --Dylan, age 9, Utah

In 2 Nephi 32:3 it says we should "feast upon the words of Christ." So I ate my scriptures. I felt good inside. --Hilda, age 5, Rhode Island

Luke, I am your father... and I felt good inside! --Darth Vader, age unknown, in a galaxy far, far away

I was doing research for my art class, and I found a book that appeared to be about the grayscale. It looked good, so I decided to check it out from the library. Turns out it was about something entirely different (the specifics cannot be printed here because this is a CHILDREN'S MAGAZINE for Pete's sake, but I think you can figure out what I'm talking about), so I burned it. I broke the law, but I felt good inside. --Orange Batman Jr, age 3004, Gotham City

How I read Teh Chum

"I don't just read Teh Chum. I read all the submissions people send to Teh Chum because I'm an NSA agent and that's my job." --Fred, age 4, Washington DC

Unfortunately, Fred couldn't send us a picture because he'd get in a lot of trouble if he did.

(Note: I wrote this before the NSA's mass surveillance program was ruled unconstitutional, but it's still funny, and besides, something tells me the government will find other ways to spy on us...)

How does your father protect your family?

"By slaying fire-breathing dragons that try to bring pornography into the home." --Daniel, age 8, New York

"By putting the toilet seat down." --Jeanette, age 5, Florida

"By passing gas in criminals' faces." --Bernard, age 3, Delaware

"By fighting against sexist stereotypes like this one." --Sabrina, age 9, California

An extra verse to The Family is of God

A brother's purpose is to poke, provoke,
and be obnoxious to his other siblings.
A sister's place is to annoy the boys,
and ignore everyone in the family.

Extra verses to "Follow the Prophet"

Balaam was a prophet, not of Israel.
Balak called him up to curse them all to hell.
When he tried to curse them, his words would not pass.
Then the Lord rebuked him with a talking ass.
Don't follow Balaam, follow his donkey.
Follow his donkey, Balaam was the real ass.
Don't follow Balaam, follow his donkey.
Follow his donkey, Balaam was an ass.

Ezra ain't no prophet, he was just a guy.
Don't follow his teachings 'cause they don't apply.
He told all the men to leave their foreign wives,
abandon all their children, and ruined all their lives.
Don't follow Ezra, don't follow Ezra.
He ain't no prophet, he's just a guy.
Don't follow Ezra, don't follow Ezra.
He ain't no prophet, he's just a guy.

Jonah was a prophet, ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh!
He never really got it, it is sad but true.
He didn't follow God, so he was eaten by a whale.
He didn't forgive the Ninevites, which was an epic fail.
Swallow the prophet, swallow the prophet,
swallow the prophet, if you're a whale.
Swallow the prophet, swallow the prophet,
swallow the prophet, if you're a whale.