How does your father protect your family?

"By slaying fire-breathing dragons that try to bring pornography into the home." --Daniel, age 8, New York

"By putting the toilet seat down." --Jeanette, age 5, Florida

"By passing gas in criminals' faces." --Bernard, age 3, Delaware

"By fighting against sexist stereotypes like this one." --Sabrina, age 9, California

An extra verse to The Family is of God

A brother's purpose is to poke, provoke,
and be obnoxious to his other siblings.
A sister's place is to annoy the boys,
and ignore everyone in the family.

Extra verses to "Follow the Prophet"

Balaam was a prophet, not of Israel.
Balak called him up to curse them all to hell.
When he tried to curse them, his words would not pass.
Then the Lord rebuked him with a talking ass.
Don't follow Balaam, follow his donkey.
Follow his donkey, Balaam was the real ass.
Don't follow Balaam, follow his donkey.
Follow his donkey, Balaam was an ass.

Ezra ain't no prophet, he was just a guy.
Don't follow his teachings 'cause they don't apply.
He told all the men to leave their foreign wives,
abandon all their children, and ruined all their lives.
Don't follow Ezra, don't follow Ezra.
He ain't no prophet, he's just a guy.
Don't follow Ezra, don't follow Ezra.
He ain't no prophet, he's just a guy.

Jonah was a prophet, ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh!
He never really got it, it is sad but true.
He didn't follow God, so he was eaten by a whale.
He didn't forgive the Ninevites, which was an epic fail.
Swallow the prophet, swallow the prophet,
swallow the prophet, if you're a whale.
Swallow the prophet, swallow the prophet,
swallow the prophet, if you're a whale.