May 2011: Choosing Teh Right

Teh Umbrella Academy (Porno)Graphic Novel

Once, my friend asked me if I wanted to read The Umbrella Academy. I told him no because umbrellas don't wear clothes. I felt good inside.

--Jason, age 11, California



Bad Movie About Corpses
When I was at my best friend's birthday party, she wanted to watch Corpse Bride. I told her no, because there was drinking, smoking, and naked skeletons. She suggested watching Dora The Explorer instead. I hated the show, but I felt great inside.
--Vicky, age 6, Georgia.

Bad My Chemical Romance Music Video
The other day, my friend asked me if I wanted to see the music video for "Sing." I said sure, because I had heard the song on the radio and thought it was catchy. But halfway through the video, I had to tell her to turn it off because the guns didn't wear clothes. She suggested watching the music video for "Baby." I said okay. I hated the music video, but I was glad I chose the right.
--Ashlee, age 9, Utah

May 2011: List of Twilight Characters

Bella Swan is a necrophile. She is in love with a sparkly vampire named Edward Cullen. She is extremely weak and shallow, and all she cares about is Edward. Edward, you're so beautiful. Edward, you're so perfect. Edward, you're so awesome. Edward this, Edward that. Edward Edward Edward.

Edward Cullen is a vampire. He enjoys stalking Bella and showing off his sparkly skin. Every night he watches Bella while she sleeps. His biggest pet peeve is when Bella actually comes to her senses and does her own thing. Of course, that is very rare, and very rarely happens.

Jacob Black is a werewolf. He likes showing off his muscles and taking off his shirt when there's a full moon.

Rosalie Hale is a shallow *BEEP* who hates everyone and everything, except for Emmett.

Emmett Cullen likes sports and is obsessed with ESPN.

Jasper Hale is a "vegetarian vampire," but would rather drink human blood. The only reason he is a "vegetarian" is because of Alice.

Alice Cullen is the only character in Twilight who actually makes sense. She is very optimistic, sweet, and bubbly. She can see the future. She is Bella Swan's BFF.

UPDATE: The Waffle is Bella's new boyfriend. Unlike Edward, he's not controlling or abusive.

(If I forgot any important characters, tell me, okay?)